you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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