dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
