She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
