How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
