u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
