is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
