Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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