quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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