honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize