I am puke
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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