dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
