I faked an abortion last night.
the condom got lost in my hair
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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