i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
