i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
