At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
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its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
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I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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