I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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