mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
