mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
