I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
