so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
