Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
