I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
