I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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