you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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