come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
