You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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