If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
