every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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