Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
