There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
