Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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