somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
