mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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