Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
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