i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
