Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
