I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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