after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
