Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
if you like me you must not know who I am
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
