Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
