I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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