i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
