Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
