The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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