this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Two words: blizzard sex
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
