I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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