I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We talked him into tasing himself.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
