Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
