I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
