Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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