I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
