:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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