too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You brought string cheese to the strip club
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
