I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
