Moan for me like Helen Keller
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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