so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
