if i can run in heels then i can drive
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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