So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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