And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
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Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
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Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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