He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
