O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
well you can't waste a boner
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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