I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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