A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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