twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
