I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
