There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
