first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
