The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
