Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
